Because there are so many details involved in planning a wedding, it’s really easy to insult a friend or family member. The rule of thumb that I like to follow in all interpersonal issues is to put myself in the place of the “other guy.” More often than not, it will make coming to the correct decision easier. That’s my long-winded way of saying: follow your heart — not your head!
Dear Wedding Guru: “We’ve sent out our save-the-date cards and some of our guests have already called to say that they won’t be able to attend the wedding. Do we go ahead and send an invitation to those people anyway, even though they told us that they won’t be able to attend?”
(Our answer on next page)
The Wedding Guru says: As a rule, invitations are sent to everyone who receives a save-the-date card. Even if they’ve told you that they can’t attend the wedding, an invitation should be sent to close friends and relatives. (However for friends, co-workers, and acquaintances outside your “VIP circle” who have confirmed they aren’t going to attend, you need not send an invitation, because doing so can be interpreted as asking for a wedding gift.)
If someone who originally answered “no” upon receiving a save-the-date card ends up changing his or her plans, by all means do send an invitation — even if the “spot” has been filled by a “B-list” guest. The same goes for someone (not a close family member or friend) who you feel might be insulted if they don’t receive an invitation, even if that person called you with a “no” as a result of your save-the-date. It reflects better on you to cover your tracks and extend an invitation, than to ignore or “forget” someone!