Dear Wedding Guru: “I’m the mother of two boys who are both engaged, so I’ve been watching how the weddings of our friends and family are planned. It troubles me that most of the planning falls exclusively to the bride and her parents! The guys (and their parents) seem to be left out of almost everything. Since we’re all contributing financially, shouldn’t we all be actively involved in the planning?”
» Read about more ways the groom is involved in the wedding
» Read more from The Wedding Guru blog
» Submit a question to the Wedding Guru
» Hudson Valley Weddings 2011
» View our Wedding Guide
Dear Mother of the Groom: I absolutely agree! Most bridal couples these days receive financial assistance from both sets of parents. Since you’re sharing expenses, there’s no question that you should be included in some of the decision-making process of how that money is used. Of course, if that isn’t assumed by the other party, then you should chat with the bridal couple and her parents and make it clear that you expect to be in the planning loop. If you do that in a positive way — emphasizing that you two want to help (not control) — it will hopefully be accepted and integrated.
In most of the weddings I’ve attended, the groom certainly helps plan the wedding. Because grooms today tend to be older (and perhaps wiser), they want their opinions to count, so they’re more invested in initiating plans and making significant decisions. When it’s time for your sons to tie the knot, make sure they understand that it’s their absolute right to participate.
However, keep in mind that some grooms are just as happy not to be involved; they trust their bride (or a planner) to design the wedding entirely. Before you rock the boat, make sure you and your sons are all on the same wavelength about the degree of participation.
» Read about more ways the groom is involved in the wedding
» Read more from The Wedding Guru blog
» Submit a question to the Wedding Guru
» Hudson Valley Weddings 2011
» View our Wedding Guide
