Swearing Off the Vow Thing

The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis fields this week’s wedding questions. Today: Swearing Off the Vow Thing

Because you’re so much in love, you truly believe that you’re willing to compromise when it comes to the wishes of your partner. You probably even promised yourself that, when you two begin planning for your wedding, you wouldn’t be like “other brides and grooms.” You will not argue! You will not get stuck on the “little things!” But then, as it is with so many couples, along comes an issue that’s really important to you, but a real problem for your significant other. Not to fear, these things can almost always be worked out…

Paul asks: “I’m in a serious jam. My future bride thinks it’d be much more romantic if we wrote our own vows. I have absolutely no idea how to do that without sounding ridiculous. I never thought this would be so important to her. For me, it’s not only unimportant, but it terrifies me. I don’t want to disappoint her, but I’m starting to realize that there’s no compromise here. I just can’t give in. Is there anything that can help me with such a daunting task, so it doesn’t become a sticking point?”

Dear Paul: There are several ways to resolve this issue — but first you need to get to the motivation behind your fiancée’s request. She wants to hear something from you that comes from the heart. Take it easy! She won’t be judging you on how you write, but what you write. It’s not supposed to be an essay here — just an expression of your true feelings. Ask yourself these questions and then write out your answers in the best way you can.

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  • What drew you to one another?
  • What do you love most about her?
  • What is the best thing about you as a couple?
  • What do you bring to this relationship and what do you “promise” to your bride?
  • How do you see your future together?

If you can answer these questions, you have your vows written!

You can also call on help from your officiant, who may be able to work with each of you separately, or together as a couple. Try visiting the library’s wedding books for vows that others have written and that you can customize to fit. Still feeling like you can’t do this on your own? There are companies that can actally prepare vows for you. Google vows online and you’ll come up with the names of companies for hire, and also Web sites that can even offer you samples at no charge. The key to remember is that whatever you say needs to come from the heart.

Readers: Keep in mind that most things really can be worked out. Follow your heart and not your head. Remember, this is the day — perhaps more than any other — that you demonstrate your love to one another.

To submit a question to “The Wedding Guru,” e-mail it to judy@hvmag.com, or add a comment in the box below.


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