Sibling Rivalry

The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis fields this week’s wedding questions. Today: Sibling Rivalry

Shelby asks: “My sister got engaged about two months before I did and immediately booked a date in October of next year. It has always been my dream to have an outdoor fall wedding in the Hudson Valley, because the colors are so gorgeous at that time of year. October is a slow month for my husband at work, so that also would work well for us. Here’s my problem: My sister and I will be “overlapping” many of our guests. Am I being selfish asking guests to attend two weddings in the same month?”

Dear Shelby: It certainly could be pose a problem for guests to attend two weddings in such close proximity. It may place a financial burden on some and it’s tough to say how this will play out. Some may simply not come one of the two weddings; some may choose to reduce the cost of the gift they purchase and give of you less; some may choose not to attend either wedding, so as not to insult either one of you. Since your sister has already picked and booked the date, perhaps you and your fiancé can rethink yours (or move it to the next autumn).

There’s one issue you didn’t address in your question: If your parents are covering, or contributing to the two weddings, you may be putting them in a tough place financially. If this is the case, then you really should speak with them about whether they can handle the two events so close together. When push comes to shove, you may have to rethink your choice of a date. After all, every season in the Hudson Valley, even the winter, has its own beautiful aspects. For information about planning a winter wedding in the Valley, check out’s article “Winter Weddings in the Hudson Valley.”

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Last, but not least, you might want to consider the option of a double wedding. That would be a “win-win.” You and your sister would get the date you want, it would relieve some pressure on your guests, and, for your parents, it would be less expensive that two separate weddings.


Readers, got any other ideas for us? Add your comments in the box below, or submit a question to “The Wedding Guru” by e-mailing it to


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