Paying for a Wedding: Divorced Mom and Dad Split the Cost… Sort Of

This mother-of-the-groom feels her ex isn’t putting in his fair share — and it could affect her cash gift

It’s an unfortunate fact of life that many parents are divorced. What’s even more unfortunate is when divorce complicates wedding planning — especially when it becomes another way for exes to “get back at one another.” Of course, it’d be wonderful if divorced couples could focus on the union taking place — and not on themselves — in order to make day as special as possible!

A Hudson Valley mother-of-the-bride asks: “My son is getting married. My ex-husband and I split the rehearsal dinner, flowers, and limos. (I also paid for the bridal shower, honeymoon, and wedding favors on my own.) My cheap ex-husband is not giving them a cash wedding gift — he said he gave enough. I, however, would like to give them cash. What’s a reasonable amount?”

(Our answer on next page)

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The Wedding Guru says: Will it make you feel better if I tell you all the horror stories about ex-husbands who refuse to contribute to their children’s weddings, but attend — and in some cases, ask to bring guests for whom they will not pay? So, I guess you can consider yourself lucky and take whatever he gives you, even though you may feel it’s unfair (which it is).

As for giving your son and future daughter-in-law wedding gift, I believe that paying for the wedding is sufficient enough. In your case, you’re also paying for the shower and the honeymoon. (I’ve only heard of very few mothers-of-the-groom who pay for the honeymoon.) You absolutely aren’t obligated to give them a cash gift, but if you feel that you need to do that, make it a small one, for your sake! I hope that your son knows what a wonderful mom he has. Good luck to you and to the future bridal couple.

Readers, do you agree with the Wedding Guru? Write your own advice in the space below.

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» More on paying for a wedding and giving gifts
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» Hudson Valley Weddings 2012

 

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