Mom of Honor

The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis fields this week’s wedding questions. Today: Is it okay for a mom to do double-duty as wedding hostess and matron of honor?

One of the main purposes of etiquette is to make sure that family and guests alike are treated well. It emphasizes sensitivity and is a guide to what has worked in the past, in similar situations, so that it will work in the present. Keep in mind the motto “If it feels right, it probably is” — that’s a good summary of what etiquette is all about!

A future mother-of-the-bride writes: “My oldest daughter is getting married. She and I are the best combination of mother-daughter and friends. She’s put together a list of who she and her husband-to-be would like as their attendants — and she’s just asked me to be her matron of honor! I’m worried that people will think this is odd and — if I say yes — I won’t be able to fulfill my role as the hostess at her wedding. What’s the right thing to do in this situation?”

Dear future mother-of-the-bride: Most moms would envy your “dilemma!” You’re fortunate that you can combine the mother-daughter relationship with a friend-to-friend one. Albeit it’s not typical for the mom-of-the-bride to serve as matron of honor, there’s no reason why you can’t. Your daughter has chosen to honor you in a most delightful way, because it will be visible to everyone at your celebration just how close the two of you are.

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As for not being able to perform your hostess duties, I see no reason why that should be the case. If there are several tasks that need to take place while you’re acting as matron of honor, surely you can find someone to pinch hit for you for that period of time? If you have a sister, or a good friend, one of them might be a good choice to help. Simply sit down with whomever you choose and outline the tasks you’d need help with. Once that’s done, you can relax and thoroughly enjoy your honor! further discusses the roles of wedding attendants; check out the article “The Responsibilities of Honor Attendants at a Traditional Wedding,” or submit your own question to the Wedding Guru by emailing Judy at

mother of bride and bride

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