Flower Girl FAQ

The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis fields this week’s wedding questions. Today: Choosing a flower girl doesn’t have to be a chore. Follow these steps and you’ll have pretty petals in your aisle — and happy guests at your wedding!

At most weddings, the flower girl is a real scene-stealer — and sometimes not in a good way. As when any child is involved in the ceremony, pre-wedding prep is important when it comes to making sure your mini-attendants are comfortable. Put a bit of thought into the process and that part of your ceremony will remain one of the highlights of your wedding.

A Valley bride asks: “I’d like a flower girl at my wedding, but I have no idea how — or who — to choose. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Please help!”

Dear bride: The flower girl is usually a close friend of the family or a relative, such as a sister, niece, or cousin. Typically, the role of a flower girl is given to each young lady, and, if there’s an older girl you wish to honor, you can give her the role of a junior bridesmaid.

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There are so many second marriages nowadays that the flower girl is often the bride’s new stepdaughter. This is a great example of how the two families are being melded into one. If you’re fortunate enough to have more than one little girl who is special to you, then you certainly can have two!

Before you make your decision, consider these questions: Do you think she’ll be able to take instruction and learn her part? If it’s an evening wedding, will she be able to stay up late without getting cranky? Will her parents be prepared to practice with her so she’s comfortable in her role? If you can answer all of these questions positively, then you’re probably making the right choice! However, keep this in mind: Unless you intend to pick up the tab for her clothing, there will be some considerable expense involved — read about how to dress your flower girl here. Be courteous and always, always, always make sure you have her parents’ approval. It’s always sweet to personally ask her if she’d like to participate, too!

Depending on her age, you may want to have a junior bridesmaid walk down the aisle with the flower girl. This buddy system may help the little one feel more comfortable, while at the same time assign some responsibility to the junior bridesmaid. I suggest that you give written instructions to her parents so the routine is crystal-clear. By all means do a run-through at your rehearsal dinner so that your flower girl knows her duties.

Last but not least, every one of us knows of a wedding where the flower girl either refused to walk down the aisle, or insisted upon keeping the petals in her basket. You may wish to instruct the flower girl’s mom (or one of the junior bridesmaids) to be “on call” just in case. What’s most important is that, if there is such a goof at your wedding, just smile and take it in stride. Believe me, everyone will think it’s cute!

To submit your own question to the Wedding Guru, email Judy at judy@hvmag.com.

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