The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis fields this week’s wedding questions. Today: Two family members vie for the same wedding day; what can one mother-of-the-groom do?

I guess we all know that life likes to throw us curve balls and it’s our job to catch them. That’s where the art is.

A mother-of-the-groom asks: “I’ve so looked forward to my son getting married that I was thrilled when he and his lovely girlfriend announced their engagement and their anticipated wedding date. My joy was short-lived, because a short time later a cousin announced her engagement and anticipated wedding date. I can’t believe it — both couples have chosen the same date! My primary concern is that many of the guests will be invited to both weddings and will probably come to me for a solution. What can I tell them, so that everyone’s happy?’

Dear mother-of-the-groom: This is an issue not for you to handle, but rather to defer to the two couples in question. It’s horrible to ask relatives to choose between the two weddings. The two couples should discuss any accommodations they can each make so that everyone comes out a winner. Assuming they haven’t already put down a deposit at their chosen venues, one of the couples may be able to move to another date, even in the same weekend. Or, perhaps they can schedule one wedding in the daytime and the other in the evening. If your cousin and son are close — and there are many overlapping guests — they might even consider a double wedding!

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The bottom line is that the two couples should sit down and, together, work out a best-case scenario. Someone once said that a good compromise is one where everyone walks away equally unhappy. I think that the reverse can be true in this situation if the couples are reasonable and solution-oriented. Good luck!

Readers, what’re your suggestions? Share them in the comments box below; to submit your own question to the Wedding Guru, email Judy at

two weddings

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