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Dateless and Hating It: Mother of the Bride Gets Ditched at the Wedding


One of the things I’ve learned is that the expression “Different strokes for different folks” fits many wedding issues. Just as bridal couples are different from one another, so are the dynamics among family members. What works for one family absolutely doesn’t for another… and that’s okay!

A Hudson Valley mother-of-the-bride writes: “I’ve looked forward to my daughter’s wedding ever since she was a little girl. I dreamed of the day when, after the first dance, my husband and I would be called to the dance floor. I am annoyed, angry, and disappointed that my husband — a professional photographer by trade — decided, at my daughter’s request, to shoot her wedding. That, in essence, will leave me alone to fend for myself during the entire wedding. He and I have had long talks about this issue. I think my daughter was inconsiderate asking him for such a favor and, certainly, she never took my feelings into consideration. Am I wrong? What, if anything, can I do?”


Dear mother-of-the-bride: Ouch. I can understand how you feel, and I do sympathize with you. You’re between a rock and a hard place on this, because it’s apparent from your letter that the bride, the groom, and your husband are all okay with this arrangement. I assume that you’ve expressed your disappointment to your husband and that did not dissuade him. (Though, I hope you haven’t talked to your daughter about it, as that will create a rift that may never be mended!)

Unfortunately, I have to advise you to accept their decision. However, all is not lost: You can find a stand-in for your husband, can’t you? Perhaps a single male relative might pinch hit; if not, you’ll just have to find a way to enjoy yourself. Keep in mind that it’s perfectly appropriate for you to ask any man (or woman) in attendance to dance with you. And remember, there’s a lot more to a wedding than the dance floor!

Readers, what would you say to our dateless mother-of-the-bride? Share your thoughts in the comments box below.

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