The Westchester Baby-Name Generator for Celebrities

Over the weekend, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a baby, and in true celebrity fashion they gave it an unusual name: Bronx Mowgli. Yes, that's Bronx, as in the borough, and Mowgli, like the protagonist of The Jungle Book.



Over the weekend, Ashlee Simpson (sister of Jessica Simpson) and Pete Wentz (bassist for Fall Out Boy) had a baby, and in true celebrity fashion they gave it an unusual name: Bronx Mowgli. Yes, that's Bronx, as in the borough, and Mowgli, like the protagonist of The Jungle Book.

Leaving the Mowgli aside for a minute — actually, let's never bring that up again — Bronx is just the next in a series of celebrities naming their kids after places on the map. There's Brooklyn Beckham, son of David Beckham and Posh Spice; Paris Jackson, daughter of Michael Jackson; even Ron Howard's IMDb page says his children's middle names are chosen after the places they were conceived (creepy!), which is why two of his kids have the middle name Carlyle, after the Hotel Carlyle in New York City. (The last one is Bryce Dallas.)

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Only true goofballs could think of a name like this

Speaking of Dallas, Ashlee Simpson is from Texas, and Pete Wentz is from Illinois, so it's not immediately clear to me that either of them have ever even been to the Bronx. If they had just thrown their baby-naming dart a little bit northward, little Baby Wentz could have had a name inspired by a locale in the Hudson Valley. (Hey, Gwen Stefani named her son Kingston, so it's not out of the realm of possibility.) If any other celebrities are looking for a hipster baby name — but don't want to be a poseur and pick one with a "tough" sound to it like Bronx or Brooklyn — I've scoured the Valley's towns and hamlets and will count down the top ten Valley-inspired baby names here, free of charge:

10. Goshen
  9. Zena
  8. Gayhead
  7. Plutarch
  6. Sugar Loaf
  5. Minnewaska (or Minnie for short)
  4. Bruynswick
  3. Malden
  2. Verplanck
  1. Coxsackie

Hopefully, little Coxsackie won't be made fun of by all of the Apples, Cocos, Banjos, and Moxies out there.


Know of any ridiculous baby names? Add 'em to the comments box below.

 

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Marisa LaScala

Marisa LaScala
Elmsford, NY


Associate Editor Marisa LaScala joined Westchester magazine in 2003, and ever since she's blown every paycheck at the Greenburgh Multiplex. She also staunchly defends Richard Kelly, doesn't mind spoiling the endings of trashy movies you're curious about but don't want to pay to see, wishes the Hold Steady would come back and rock out Westchester, misses Arrested Development more than anyone can imagine, and still watches cartoons and Saturday Night Live. You can find more of her cultural criticism at www.popmatters.com, where she is a staff writer.

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